Reckless Caring

Listen up people.

First, let me tell you how grateful and delighted I am for your support. For serious. I've had such a tremendous response from people I know, and people I don't know, and I feel so honored and proud to be a part of a larger community of Americans who care, passionately, about their neighbors, their country and the future.

To be honest, I was not always in support of Barack Obama. Let me be clear. He gave a really remarkable speech at the 2004 convention, which moved me to tears, and I wished, desperately, that he would be president of the universe. But after the 2004 election, I felt so disillusioned, and so isolated, and so helpless that I gave up on anything good ever happening in the world again. I felt like I did not belong in this country -- most Americans were not like me. The values that I held dearest -- chief among them being that you should help people who need helping -- were not shared by most other people in my country. It made me depressed, cynical, and hard.

And what happened is, people said "I wish Barack Obama would run" and I said "I really hope he doesn't. Because he'd never win. And if he runs for President this early in his national career, everyone will tear him apart, and then he'll be ruined forever, and we'll have lost someone who might have been really great."

But what happened was, more and more people kept telling me that they wished this guy would run. And then he announced that he was running. And I was REALLY conflicted, because while he was EXACTLY the kind of person who I wished could be president, I knew that most Americans would never support him. He was too thoughtful, too optimistic, too real. Also, black with a weird name. It wouldn't play. He was a fringe candidate.

And then I took a long trip around the country, and I got to know America a little better. And it's a beautiful, amazing place, you guys. And I have much more to say on that subject, believe you me. But the really transformative part of the experience was the people that I met. I was deeply surprised to find out that most Americans were kind, thoughtful, curious, and generous. I realized that my idea of who Americans were was wrong. I didn't feel like I was so separate, or so different anymore. I fell head over heels in love with America, and whoever came up with this impossibly optimistic system of government, that puts the power in the hands of its citizens.

And I also realized that adopting pessimism and cynicism was a way for me to avoid being disappointed. I realized that adopting optimism and idealism is the bravest choice you can make, and one that you can't make just once. You have to make it every single day, in the face of overwhelming obstacles.

And then more and more people started coming out as closet optimists. More and more people were not afraid to say that they wanted something, that they believed in something, and that they cared. People called them naive and all sorts of other things, but they kept picking up steam and attracting more and more people who weren't afraid to take a risk. It was stunning.

And I realized that saying that you care about the country is like saying that you love someone, when you don't know if they love you back. You might be totally destroyed -- but at some point the feeling is so big that you can't stop yourself, so damn the torpedoes.

I watched America's heart softening, and softening, until it couldn't resist anymore.

And that's what won me over. So many people caring with such abandon. So many people were putting themselves out there, knowing it was such a long shot, risking ridicule and disappointment. Caring -- recklessly.

And it occurred to me that the country was founded by a similarly crazy, idealistic, passionate group of people. People who cared enough to take matters back into their own hands when they wanted something else.

Obama, for whatever reason, has the ability to make people care again. Wherever he came from and whatever his job qualifications are don't matter to me, because he has the spooky, magic, crazy kind of charisma that will wake people up and inspire them to get together and do something that seems impossible.

And that, my friends, is how the world gets changed. It doesn't get changed by the guy in the top job, or even by the whole government. It gets changed because the citizens start to do it themselves, without waiting for permission or approval. And that was happening. It was a revolution.

And it's partly because I was a little late to the party that I feel like I have to make up for lost time and do so much more now.

"Well, Elizabeth, did you try your best?" is the question that always haunts me, no matter what I'm working on. Until now, I was not trying my best for America, because I was afraid of trying and failing.

Thankfully, I very recently realized that if I try my very best, and we still don't win, it won't feel nearly as bad as it would if I never tried at all. And if he won without my being involved, I would be happy, but also sad, because I wasn't a part of it, and I could have been if I hadn't been so scared of failing.

Also, see, when he wins, and I feel like I might have had a little, tiny part in it, it's going to be fucking amazing.